#im more of a writer
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Everyday I see artist who enjoy the vampire chronicles (including drawing the books versions of the characters), and everyday I violently sob waiting for another artist to adore Antoine just as much as I do, so we could all share in some more content of him. Because, God, does that sad depressing little French man warm everything in my soul; The empathy I feel for him is immense.
#I also want to be him#antoine the vampire chronicles#antoine iwtv#Also we never got a last name for him#so in my writings i gave him one:#Antoine Durand#iwtv#Rewriting a sad queer mans story and making him trans#because im trans and i said so#the vampire lestat#the vampire chronicles#interview with the vampire#when i have money you wont know it#but there will be signs#'do it yourself' guys i promise i just dont draw him that well#im more of a writer
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The heartslabyul boys from my toy maker au. This is just how I imagine them, their designs can be interpreted however you want.
I did struggle with Riddle but I think he was my favourite to draw honestly.
If im not at least good at drawing diamonds and squares now, I’ll just cry or something. You can literally see the amount of diamonds increase as you go along. It has lore now lmao.
There is a version with a funky, goofy background that I drew in 1 minute. It was more of a practice for drawing roses tbh- but it is very ugly to look at💀 not the roses, they turned out well but everything else on the other hand...
#twisted wonderland#Brrr is rambling#trey clover#cater diamond#deuce spade#ace trappola#riddle rosehearts#I know I suck#im more of a writer#But I am getting better I think?#my crappy art#OMG I JUST REALISED I DREW TREY A MASSIVE FOREHEAD HELP-#BBG I AM SO SORRY😭😭#think I’ll just stick to drawing tsums
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what are we, some kind of league of legends?
#im the only person alive who understands her including the writers and i stand by that#in my epic fanfiction she stays with ekko post-canon nd they sort of stand next to eachother with their arms crossed#arcane#arcane season 2 spoilers#ekko arcane#sevika arcane#also featuring sloane of borderlambs fame#just for funs#my art#i ahve another sketchdump ill post later but im doing this one first because its more respectable
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you know, you know. no gods, no masters, no kings on pedestals. everyone is fallible. death of the author. you know! you are balanced about your intake of media - you allow the wiggle room, the grace, the gratitude, the skepticism. nobody above criticism.
but still. a weird gut-punch feeling, something akin to betrayal. you read the article. surprise! an author you love is actually: a serial fucking predator.
well, shit. what now. no, you knew he was a person (all people are), but now you're wondering - what have i overlooked by accident? what messages have i internalized that are strange and cruel? and also, like, what the fuck?
his actions lay a thick glaze on top of everything. like each place is now ruined, opaque in a new way. but okay, fine, you've done this before. you knew better, right? you've been betrayed by many a cherished childhood author.
still, this stickiness. fuck. can you pick up that book again. will you read it to your children. you've recommended it to others - will you ever do that again? and of course, of course, no parasocial relationships. you were theoretically above this kind of sentiment. but the artist informs the art, right.
so it's not something as clear-cut as feeling he owed you, specifically (a stranger) better behavior - just that you kind of, in a distant and odd way... sort of trusted him to do better. it's not like a real trust or something speakable, just the faint hope that the product (good books) was a thin representation of the soul. now it feels like the product (good? books?) was a mask. in some small or insignificant way, your previous support of this person lent them power. your money and your time and your laughter.
and the thing is - you have this terrible, echoing sensation. how many times will this happen? over and over. you find out that the singer you love is actually a predator. you learn over drinks that your favorite high school english teacher is in jail for what he did to her. you listen to the news idly and suddenly discover that a woman you used to idolize has been abusing her kids for an actual eon.
what can you touch without the static melting off. you can't even really complain about it too much (you were supposed to know better, and besides, you don't want the same re-split "it's not your fault, love what you love" basic advice), but now it's here. somehow, it feels like - you let him into your life.
it's not that things need to be pure or an artist has to be like, endlessly perfect, mindful. demure. it's more just this terrible truth that has been replayed through your veins so often it feels criminally vain. power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. did you want any one person to be worth that power?
it's just that he wrote books where he seemed to understand that. he seemed to know about hierarchies and unfair systems and bigotry and privilege. you thought they were books about what it means to struggle. you thought they were about having power and still using it for good rather than for control. he spooned you a narrative of being a good guy, a kind soul. you fucking bought what that fucking monster sold.
maybe that's why they were fantasies, after all.
#spilled ink#warm up#oh im .... sick to my stomach.#i talked to him. like ....... we talked. that man interacted with my poetry and writing.#that article.... gutwrenching. i am so sorry to everyone he's ever even been in the room with.#i feel.... like... unbearably. sick.#he acted like he was cool and friends with me!! we were cool internet writers together!!!!!#i feel sick for even having been polite to him.#i ...... am experiencing something so fucking complicated.#i wonder how many of u are feeling that too. like ''oh i sent him an ask and he was funny and sweet''#THATS HOW THEY GET U. ..... and YES I KNOW!!!#i am so fucking well-read about parasocial relationships. it would just be nice to like. trust that someone ISNT#hiding a huge fucking background of BEING A COMPLETE MONSTER. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK.#by the way i am not part of a fandom. this is “what the fuck i accidentally supported a rapist” not#“but my showww”. like i care far more about like. the human cost.#but also like... people are people. idk i saw a take on here about how nobody should mourn the books#and idk. people almost always reply to any scenario with their personal experience first -#''i knew him'' or ''wow i was just at that store'' or ''i grew up there'' or whatever. because that is how we establish connection &#emotional weight. that's just... a person thing. and there is a difference between 'oh this guy is a monster'' & the feeling of:#he's been a monster and i SUPPORTED THAT. i CELEBRATED him. i !!! a fucking victim myself!!!!!!!!! SUPPORTED . HIM.#i am sick. i feel so much pain for her and everyone he's ever hurt. saying ''the books are ruined'' is i think ... like how people say#they're shocked and disgusted by him. (obviously there's nuance here. im sure there's some creep doin it wrong. but u know. in general)#idk..... im an author. i understand my work is in your life in whatever small way. i understand that connection. it's real.
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"I live a lonely life without you. And I may be troubled, but I'm gracious in defeat."(in dreams - ben howard)
fanart inspired by the fic "buried my love in a shallow grave" by iamcringebutiamfree on AO3 / @grahamfolgersdeliciousnotebooks !!Set right after Jon made it out of the buried. I love it so much🍊💙
#jonmartin#the magnus archives#tma#magpod#art#jmart#jonathan sims#martin blackwood#i love alll their works ive read so far some of the best jmart out there#banger after banger#its all so cozy and sad and also hopeful at the same time#have to thank all the talented jmart writers out there actually im so well fed#teaholding#tma spoilers#tma season 4#post buried coffin#more martin in his lonely era
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Man is it just me or are a lot of TV shows nowadays are written to have big emotional episodes in scenes with very little build up.
#txt#i have some thoughts on a certain show.... maybe i'll talk about it lol#like you would think with shortened seasons these writers would try to limit the cast so that big scenes feel more earned... but they dont?#they want these big massive expansive casts with big emotional moments by episode 2 and then every episode needs that Big Scene#i noticed this especially with a lot of indie animated shows#pacing and build up is sacrificed so we can have big emotional scenes with characters we know very little#even indie shows i enjoy im just kind of like “wouldnt this feel more earned if i actually knew this character”#and sometimes it works. pluto made me cry in the first episode! but it also spent so much time with these characters because#they're an hour long each
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down the neck - spencer reid x sharpshooter!reader
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"Stop breathing down my neck." You huff, glancing through the scope at the unsub.
"Well, I have to lay low too, no?" Spencer frowns.
"It doesn't matter." You squint, humming. "Hit the button and ask Hotch if I can shoot. Be fast."
"Hotch, we have a clear shot."
"I have a clear shot."
"Snippy—"
"Fire."
You click your tongue, pulling the trigger once to hit the unsub's hand and a second to snipe the gun out of range as Morgan flies into the place. You watch through the scope as Spencer looks through the binoculars, and you only start to sit up when you see Morgan pull the unsub out. Then, you actually sit up and start packing up.
"Stop breathing down my neck." You huff.
"You weren't complaining when I—"
You hold a finger to your lips, pointing at your earpiece as Spencer blinks, laughing when you hear a cough in your ears from Hotch.
"Sorry."
"Need I remind you both of—"
"Nope." You puff out your cheeks, slinging the gun around to your back as Spencer raises a brow. "Actually, I think Reid needs a quick reminder. He'd love to go through another HR meeting about how we shouldn't be fraternizing with—"
"We're good, Hotch." Spencer cuts you off, rolling his eyes at you. "We'll see you back at the station."
"You're driving." You mumble, turning off your mic. "Two dollars and I'll drive. Four dollars and I'll make a stop at McDonalds."
"And for five?"
"I'll sneak in a kiss plus everything else."
"I think that can be arranged." He hums, pulling out a five as you press your lips to his, tongue swiping over your bottom lips as he chases when you pull away. You stick your tongue out teasingly as you take the five, craning your neck so that his lips would hit your neck instead. "Hey."
"I'll drop a ten if you—"
"Reid."
You laugh as Spencer jolts straight, pinching the bridge of his nose at the sound of Hotch.
"Turn off your mic next time."
"Roger that, sir."
You're too busy laughing the rest of the way back to be able to drive. (but spencer has no complaints when you hand him back the five with a chaste kiss to his lips).
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#me when 2 ppl tell me they wanna read more: SAY LESS#☾.snippy#criminal minds x reader#spencer reid x reader#☾.blurbs#making one flop post at a time it's not much but it's honest work#im writing this as i watch the series btw bc im stuck waiting until season 8 to continue my actual fic#sigh. sigh emoji. SIGH. BIG SIGH.#i have one (1) fear. mischaracterizing spencer. (i say. mischaracterizing him ok yolo ig idgaf anymore cringe is dead 2 me)#my jaw just dropped wdym one of THE spencer writers reblogged this piece WHAT
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The 'Contact' (DA fan-comic) || Part 2
Part 1 || Part 2 (here) || Part 3 || Part 4 - END
#dragon age#veilguard spoilers#zevran arainai#dragon age veilguard#oc: Rindhil#sorry if its weird off or cringe im not exactly a writer nor even a good one aha#anyways yeah this part of the comic feels a bit more personal to my Rook rather than just a 'what if' of the previous one#da: rookery
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I see freakout everytime A03 goes down and while I Get That, that's Our Website, but it makes me wonder if most people know that they can download fanfics
#apologies for two polls in one week but im curious#still more of a writer than i am a reader but any fanfic ive liked ive always downloaded#i still have an dbh fic from 5ish years ago downloaded on my phone#sara shush
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˗ˏˋ fuzzy socks and warm covers ✶ˎˊ˗
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pairing: bang chan x gn! reader cw: tooth rotting domestic fluff, est. relationship + try not to cringe because love is ew :( note: is this all because of the selcas chan shared? yes, yes it is. (also wanted to post something before I go on hiatus cause of exams lol) word count: 0.96k enjoy ! bang chan masterlist.
snuggled under three layers of blankets on the couch, you felt perfectly content.
your hands absentmindedly fiddled with the empty cup in your lap, the faint warmth from your drink still clinging to it. a quiet smile played on your lips face as you watched chan throw his hands up dramatically, fully immersed in the story.
“and the host was so shocked when hyunjin started doing that move in the middle of the stage, because who knew there’s another song called sticky?”
“wait,” you cackled, already excited for the clips to emerge. “so you’re telling me that he danced to kiss of life’s sticky in the reality show? damn, can’t believe i missed that.”
chan laughs, the sound filling the room with warmth. a movie was playing on the tv, but you found your boyfriend’s endless stories more entertaining.
sitting on the plush carpet in front of you, chan was wearing a black tank top and grey sweatpants, while you had more layers on than you could count. the room became quiet for a moment, but the hairs on your arms stood up as you saw a mischievous smirk appear on chan’s face.
“no, nope,” you warned him as he stood up, a playful sparkle in his eyes, and you instinctively pull the blankets tighter around yourself. “don’t you dare, christopher bahng.”
“don’t be so mean, ” he pouts, his knees on either side of yours. “do you want your boyfriend to freeze to death out here?”
“well, there’s always the option for sweaters and jackets… or even a tshirt;” you mumble, your face growing red as your boyfriend’s nose touches yours, a soft smile playing on his lips.
he gently takes the cup from your hands and places it on the centre table without breaking eye contact, putting you in a trance. as you let your guard down and lean in for a gentle kiss, you jump in your seat with a yelp as his freezing fingers touches your waist under the covers.
the cold sensation sends chills down your spine as you shiver, goosebumps covering your body.
“christopher,” you whine, finally giving a reaction as he melts into your body. “i hate you.” you shiver as he wraps his arms around you, engulfing you in a chilly but warm embrace as he settles under the covers.
despite yourself, you lean into his embrace instinctively.
“i love you too,” he giggles, dimples on full display, as he hugs you tighter. “and why would i need a sweater when i have you to warm me up just as fine?”
you blush, whatever resolve you had melting away.
“whatever,” chan chuckled as he saw you half heartedly roll your eyes. “i’m wearing the socks you gave me, so i guess you might as well warm up your toes too.” you looked at anything but him in an attempt to appear nonchalant.
his laugh made you feel warmer than the blankets ever could.
chan shifted, tucking himself into your side as you both shifted into a more comfortable position. his legs intertwined with yours, rubbing over your fuzzy socks. his arms wrapped around your waist, adding a comforting weight.
the room grew silent, the only sound being your steady breathing and the soft voice coming from the television.
“oy,” you nudge him after making sure he wasn't asleep. “what happens next?”
“huh? next to what?”
“i dunno. i just want to hear you yap.”
the way chan’s face immediately became red was almost comical. he tried hiding his face in the crook of your neck, making him seem more adorable.
“stop…” he whined, his demeanor changing from his usual cool charm to a fumbling mess.
“what? i just love listening to my boyfriend yap, is that a crime?”
“i mean,” his voice came out small. “i’ve been boring you with my stories all evening today. aren't you sick of hearing my voice already?”
he tried to laugh it off, but let out a shriek as you playfully swatted his arm.
“hey!” you pinched his arm for extra emphasis. “don't ever say that okay? listening to you talk is literally the favourite part of my day.”
“you're just saying that,” chan huffed, hugging you tighter in an attempt to hide his flushed face.
“no, bubba, it's true. i love hearing your voice and i love how you literally light up when you talk about something you find funny or are looking forward to.
plus, it's funny seeing you get worked up over the silliest things sometimes; like that one time jeongin told you your beanie didn't go with your outfit.”
if it was possible to fall even more in love with your boyfriend, it was in this moment, watching him completely melt at your words.
“you remember that?” he whispered. it was so endearing seeing him turn into an adorable mess in front of you.
“of course, i remember that! i remember everything you tell me. and that's cause i’m genuinely invested in all your stories.” you grin.
“you're like my personal podcast. and the best part is i get to keep you all to myself.”
chan adorably wriggled his whole body with shyness, unable to handle the attention. you laughed, reaching out to hold his hands which were covering his face.
“have i told you how much i love you today?” he finally said as he peeked from between his fingers.
“well, not enough.” you tease, and he leans in for a kiss.
he didn't need to tell you how much he loved you, because you felt it in the way the biting cold outside faded into insignificance. it wasn’t the fuzzy socks or the layers of blankets keeping you warm, but rather the undeniable warmth of his love wrapping around you.
“i love you.”
“i love you, too.”
a/n: sappy ending yes but it's currently 1:25AM and it's the best i can do rn rahh (also was this fic just me promoting the propaganda that chan is the biggest yapper ever (chan's room, bubble, yt live hello???) maybe. but was this 100% because i am a professional listener and could listen to him yap all day every day? yes.
please reblog and leave comments, they truly mean the world !
bang chan masterlist.
#my fic#also im having some problems with the read more thingy so sorry for the long post (will try to add it when i get on my laptop)#also trying out a new layout that doesn't take much effort#(but still look pretty)#bang chan stray kids#skz bangchan#skz bang chan#christopher bang#stray kids#skz#skz stay#by stay#straykids#bang chan imagines#writers on tumblr#writeblr#skz fanfic#leeb1tm3#stray kids imagines#bang chan x yn#stray kids fluff#bang chan fluff#bang chan x reader#bang chan
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an ever-growing collection
#christina ricci#misty quigley#mistynat#yellowjackets#i could also draw a parallel between melanie lynskey telling natasha lyonne that the writers dont know what happened in the wilderness#and lyonne going “hmm”. in their actors on actors interview#vs christina ricci saying she feels like shes being kept in the dark with misty bc “tv is so different than film! theres no closure..."#and sandra oh giving her a sympathetic grimace at their roundtable interview. lol#but im not choosing any more violence tonight! i have a math project due at 1am
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hitman au save me .. its been seven years ..
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haven’t been able to draw/write much of this au lately but i want to write a few little scene snippets i have stored my brain :’D ill include them under cut
=+=
“This better be something good,” Scar muttered to Cub as they stepped out of the elevator. The hitman, while bound to his contract, considered ‘boring’ missions to be a waste of his time.
“I hope so,” Cub hummed. “Hope so.”
The ConVex swung open the doors to the NHO conference room, not bothering to check if their bosses were actually ready for their meeting.
“Holy mother of—! Knock next time, will you?” A man setting files down on the conference table jumped visibly as the doors slammed open.
“The Vex require a dramatic entrance, Beef,” Scar said casually. Cub snickered.
“Sure, whatever.” Beef furrowed his brow, used to this behavior. He didn’t have time for this. “Okay. Doc was supposed to do this briefing, but he’s busy with his machines I guess, because of course he is, so.” He huffed, composing himself. “Your new top-secret project. This one’s a doozy. Have a look.”
Beef slid the folder across the table. The hitmen flipped it open, absorbing its contents with hungry eyes.
What caught their eyes immediately were the photos. The person of interest looked nothing like a powerful crime boss or a dangerous anomaly. A young adult with glasses, dark eyes and short, sandy brown hair stared back at them.
“Who’s this?” Scar raised an eyebrow. Is the NHO asking them to assassinate some normal-looking university student?
“That is Grian,” Beef explained, both hands planted firmly on the table. “Grian has been with us at the NHO for months.”
“I’ve never seen him before,” Scar remarked.
“Grian’s case is top-secret. He’s been staying in high-security, private quarters… as well as our research laboratories.”
“I thought you guys seemed super suspicious lately! I knew they were hiding something from us, Cub,” Scar nudged his partner with a grin. Cub did not budge as his sharp eyes combed through the documents. He hadn’t heard a single word spoken to him.
“Cub? What’s the deal?” Scar asked. He preferred to let Cub read their mission files and summarize it for him, anyways. Dyslexia and top-secret government files were not a great mix. Oh, what would he do without Cub?
“Watchers?” Cub finally spoke, looking up at Beef with a quizzical frown. The other man nodded slowly. “You’re kidding.”
“After months of testing and analysis, we can confirm that this individual is the only currently documented case of a mortal possessing Watcher abilities,” Beef nodded slowly.
Scar had heard whispers of the Watchers only a handful of times. As a vex, he knew plenty about the realm of magic, the divine, the fae, you name it! But Watchers were said to be ancient entities, perhaps as old as time itself. So old that they were widely considered to be a myth.
“So this is not a hit,” Scar said after a moment.
“This is not a hit, Scar, good lord, do not kill this person,” Beef put both hands on his forehead and let them slowly drag down his face.
“Mortal, you say?” Cub raised an eyebrow.
“Yep,” Beef said. “She was a completely normal citizen until he got these abilities in some freak accident. Lucky for everyone involved, the NHO was able to take control of the situation before anything… dangerous happened.”
“So,” Scar narrowed his eyes slightly, “If this isn’t a hit, then what do you want from us?”
Beef sighed. “After months of testing to determine Grian’s situation, the NHO has decided that he is too important to return to life as a normal citizen at this time. Instead, we’d like to utilize his abilities in our goals to maintain order in Hermit City, and we need someone to train her how to be a special agent in the field.”
“You want the ConVex to train a Watcher how to be a hitman,” Cub said with a slight smirk at just how insane that sounded.
“Yep.”
“Huh.” Scar put both hands on his hips. “Well, that’s not what I was expecting.”
“I suppose we could give it a shot,” Cub said. Although the ConVex were bound by a fae contract to work for the NHO, the vex took every opportunity to feign control over their situation. There was no choice here. Beef had given them an order.
“Sure, sure! We are very good at our jobs, after all,” Scar grinned. Whatever happened, good or bad, would at least be entertaining, surely.
“You’ll come back here to meet her tomorrow morning,” Beef instructed. “Hand me that file back and be here by 9, will you?”
“Sure thing,” Cub replied coolly, sliding the file back to the man. Scar couldn’t help but grin wider when he noticed Cub’s hand casually in his pants pocket, some folded white paper barely visible in his grip.
“Don’t be late. I’m serious this time,” Beef called out as the hitmen turned and exited the conference room.
=+=
The conference room was tense that morning. Towards the end of the table sat the NHO - Beef, Doc, Etho, and Bdubs. On one side sat Cub and Scar. Across from them, Grian sat alone.
“So, how about introductions?” Doc clapped his hands together. “Er… Cub and Scar, this is Grian. Grian, this is Cub and Scar. You guys already know the deal. Grian is going to come with you on missions from now on.”
The ConVex hadn’t taken their eyes off of Grian since they entered the room, unable to resist their curiosity. They had both read the files, but still found it hard to believe the person before them was a Watcher. Grian sat rigid in his chair, fiddling with his hands, looking tense and exhausted. She eyed the vex curiously as well.
“Well hello there,” Scar greeted. “I’m Scar, and this is Cub.”
“Hey, hey,” Cub said quietly.
“Hello,” The corner of Grian’s mouth twitched in a possible attempt at a smile.
The three continued to stare at each other until Bdubs cleared his throat.
“Wonderful introduction. Now that we’ve broken the ice, let’s talk about your next mission.” The man picked up a small remote, and the large screen on the wall behind them illuminated.
“Before we send our agents out into the field, we meet like this to discuss the details and ensure that the mission is clearly understood,” Doc explained to Grian, throwing a disapproving glare in the ConVex’s direction.
A lengthy file on some high-profile criminal appeared on the screen, as Bdubs proceeded to read off the information. Scar slumped back in his chair. These mission briefings were the worst. It was time to zone out and have Cub tell him the details later with all the fluff cut out.
At about ten minutes in, Scar yawned absentmindedly.
“Oh, are we boring you, sir?” Doc interrupted Bdubs to shoot a piercing stare at Scar.
“Oh, not at all!” Scar said cheerfully, but slumping in his chair slightly lower.
“As I was saying,” Bdubs continued loudly.
Scar glanced over at Grian. Her eyes quickly darted back to the presentation when they made eye contact. Scar looked over at Cub and found he had still not taken his eyes off of Grian. Hopefully Cub was at least somewhat paying attention, because he sure wasn’t.
Grian continued to fidget with his hands. Scar felt a pang of pity for him. The vex were used to this sort of environment, but according to the NHO, Grian had a completely normal life up until a few months ago. Now suddenly, he gains these terrifying powers and spends months in a top-secret lab having tests run on her all day. Who wouldn’t be overwhelmed?
Scar yawned again, this time more intentionally. He earned another death glare from Doc, but Bdubs droned on. He glanced over and saw Grian rubbing a hand on his cheek to help hide a grin.
The art of annoying your boss was a delicate one. Timing is everything. Let enough time pass until they’ve forgotten, or they think you’ve stopped, to continue the game. Scar lets about ten minutes pass before his next yawn, bigger this time.
“Quit it,” Beef hissed. Even Etho glanced over. Doc kept his eyes on the screen, but his jaw was clenched. Grian let out a cough that sounded suspiciously like a laugh.
Five minutes later, Cub clears his throat rather loudly. Bdubs stutters over his words for a second, but because Cub is Cub, none of the NHO seems to be able to tell if that was a deliberate cough or not, and they decide to ignore it. Cub shows no emotion.
After an hour that felt like an eternity of Bdubs explaining every possible detail about the case, it seemed to be almost concluded. That was, until a rather loud yawn was heard throughout the conference room.
“WILL YOU LET ME FINISH, FOR GOODNESS SAKE?!” Bdubs finally erupted, whipping around in his chair to face Cub and Scar.
The hitmen stared back blankly. They glanced over across the table, and Bdubs followed their gaze, where Grian sat with both arms over her head in a large stretch.
“Sorry,” Grian said simply when all eyes were on him, lowering his arms. “Just had to stretch a bit.” He stared back at Bdubs innocently.
The NHO stood there, confused. Bdubs was at a loss for words, unable to get a read on the new recruit. He sighed and turned back to the screen. “Well, regardless, I think we’ve about summed things up,” he grumbled.
Scar made eye contact with Grian once again. The two cracked a smile at one another for a second, too quick for the NHO to notice.
Scar had a feeling that him, Cub and Grian were going to get along just fine.
=+=
#if i write more scenes ill probably combine them into one big fic that is just. random chau scenes part 57 or whatever#im better at writing silly character interactions than big plot stuff <- not a writer#convexian hitman au#grian#cubfan135#goodtimeswithscar#chau#hermitcraft#sketchbook#art tag#convex#grub#desert duo#cubrian
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i'd love to celebrate my birthday with y'all! no pressure to say or do anything, just wanted to share and "invite" you all 🥰
#fnaf sun#fnaf moon#fnaf dca#fnaf eclipse#dca fandom#crab art#digital art#bright colours#animated gif#im shy and i don't want to come off as presumptuous or pushy#but i'm also learning to be honest with what i want and speaking up about it#and i want to celebrate my birthday month with the fandom that's been such a blessing to me#i'm so used to celebrating my birthday without friends because i never bring it up because i don't want to be a bother#it's also summer break so people are often on vacation or busy with work#but like#i cannot emphasize more what a blessing the dca fandom has been to my life the past couple of months#it was a welcome break from my studies and during my career change#and it refueled my creativity as an artist and a writer#and it's just so so nice to have friends that i could be honest and weird and silly with#that's why i want to share my day with you all
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A Deep Dive Into Why Cass Threw Dick Out A Window
If you've been here long enough you've probably seen or heard of this moment, which is super hilarious and iconic. It's mostly discussed in reference to Dick and Cass' relationship. However, in my opinion Cass throwing Dick out a window had very little to do with her opinion of him, or even of Barbara; it has more to do with her understanding of romance and love. I briefly touched on this in my gender/sexuality post, but I'm going to explain more in depth my interpretation of how Dick functions in Batgirl (2000) as a whole. (This moment is very open to interpretation though, this is just my opinion!). So let's try to answer Dick's question: what was that all about?
Love, Language, and DickBabs
While Puckett's run is notable for not having Cass date anyone, romantic love does play a role in Cass' early understanding of the world. It's the impetus that spurs her to write: in issue 2, she sees a wife read a letter from her deceased husband, and her reaction affects Cass so strongly she immediately starts trying to write. (She also kisses the husband on the cheek earlier, which may or may not be a crush). Romance, and the ability to communicate your love, is a fundamental part of Cass' desire to learn language.
So we have Cass, who has experienced neither love nor language, living with Babs, who's in a relationship with Dick. This telephone conversation in #4 (the issue where a metahuman changes Cass' brain into understanding language) again links romance to communication. Dick and Babs are talking on the phone, unable to see each other but understanding each other perfectly; Cass and Babs, on the other hand, live together and can't understand each other at all.
"She can't talk, so it's not all that different [to living alone]." Babs is telling an eavesdropping Cass that her inability to speak prevents her from love and connection - a love and connection symbolised by one of the first romantic relationships Cass is consistently around, Dick and Barbara.
Dick as an Ideal
There's a debate whether Cass likes Dick or not because half the time they're friendly, and half the time she's punching him or throwing him out windows. This disparity makes sense if you consider that Cass strongly associates DickBabs with communication, understanding, love - very idealised notions - but she does not associate Dick as a person with them. Her interactions with Dick (sans Babs) are cute and normal - Batgirl #29 and Nightwing #81 feature some very adorable Dick-Cass moments, with no real tension whatsoever.
It's only when Cass sees Dick in a romantic light (as in associated with Babs) that she makes him into a symbol.
Cass often tries to copy Babs, thinking it's the 'correct' thing to do - in DC First: Batgirl/Joker, she goes after Joker because that's what Barbara did; later in Horrocks' run she'll wear Barbara's outfit. In a way, Cass' affairs with Tai'Darshan and Kon - as much as I do think Tai'Darshan was genuine attraction - is another way to 'copy' Barbara. In #42, Cass stares at a picture of Dick and Babs while asking if Babs likes boys. Obviously Cass knows the answer is yes, but see what she asks next, and how Barbara responds:
She shifts from 'like' to 'love', and Babs responds that she 'care[s]' about him. For Cass, whose arc in Horrocks' run is about parsing out the nuances of attraction, understanding the difference between like, love, and care is incredibly difficult. She struggles to separate familial from romantic (Bruce in #50) or romantic from platonic (Kon, and in somewhat the reverse way Steph). In this conversation, Cass comes to associate Dick with like, love, and care - DickBabs becomes not just a symbol of romantic love, but of any connection whatsoever.
The Old Costume
I've discussed elsewhere that Cass wearing Babs' old costume in #45 is a representation of her desire to be 'girly', and how she associates girlhood with someone other than herself, discarding her own costume for Babs'. But putting on a costume is not the only prerequisite for being a 'girl'. In Babs' speech to Cass, she emphasises being sexually attractive to men, with her final comment being about this "particular look Dick used to give [her]". For Cass, visual language is incredibly important; putting on Babs' costume is not about being or feeling like a girl, but about being perceived as one. Dick is symbolic of the perceiver: the one who can essentially 'grant' women their femininity.
But Cass is disgusted when Tim calls her hot, which adds to her confusion - why should Dick being attracted to Babs make Babs happy, but Tim (who's not a sibling at this time) perceiving her like that grosses her out? Cass' inability to feel good - to feel 'feminine' - through the male gaze is another sign, to her, of her failure to be a woman.
Which finally brings us to issue 46...
That Ableist Kon Comment
Cass finds out Dick breaks Babs' heart and then starts hallucinating on a drug. One of the things she hallucinates is Kon saying "who wants to date a cripple? Ain't that right, Nightwing?" and Nightwing responding "not me--at least, not anymore."
For the first time, we get to the heart of why DickBabs mattered to Cass: it was an example of a disabled person in a loving, romantic relationship. It goes back to that phone call in #4, where Babs implies that Cass is hard to care about because she can't speak. The Kon comment suggests Cass has carried that with her all this time, trying to find proof that she can be loved, no matter her disability. DickBabs showed her it could be done - the break-up shows her now that it can't be done.
Dick's hallucination mocks her disability: "look at her--she can't even read!" Attributing this mockery to Dick (whose real-life counterpart, unlike the other hallucinations, has never said anything remotely like this) shows that this 'Dick-as-ideal' is intrinsically tied to Cass' self-worth.
Honestly this whole post stemmed from me thinking about this one panel. There is no real reason, from Cass' view of Dick as a person, for her to think he's brave and noble and kind (more so than anyone else). But it's in the DickBabs context - that Dick seemed to love, wholeheartedly, a disabled woman - that makes Cass think this way. And now that DickBabs is broken up, it shows that she, too, is rotten to the core; that someone like her cannot be loved.
And so when Dick shows up, she throws him out the window.
Conclusion
In this moment, Cass isn't just reacting to Dick breaking up with Barbara, she's reacting to what it means to her. If Dick can't stay with Barbara, then that means Cass, as another disabled woman, is also unable to be loved. This all leads up to #50, which features another Cass punch to Dick's face, but more importantly is when Bruce and Cass reconcile through Cass' first language. It's a confirmation that though her verbal skills may not be fully developed, she still can communicate, and she can love and be loved.
I don't think a lot of the ideas I touched on here are fully developed, or conclude cleanly. For example, how does Cass' 'failure' to be a woman relate to her inability to be loved? Is she able to have a stable romantic relationship? There are lots more questions, but the role Dick specifically plays in Cass' understanding of romance is probably not going to develop further. I just think it's interesting how Horrocks uses the Dick-Babs relationship to explore Cass' identity.
#cassandra cain#dick grayson#barbara gordon#batgirl 2000#meta#im sorry if this doesn't make sense im not sure how coherent this is#i always see people bring the window thing up as an example of cass hating dick which is fair but undersells this moment by a lot#it's one of the many many moments in horrocks run that are somewhat ambiguous and have to do with cass' gender crisis#people can still joke about this ofc it's funny but it's also just really intriguing to me#idk anyway forever a horrocks champion i guess. he gets some flack for sexualising cass (which does happen and is gross)#but his exploration of cass' gender and sexuality is STILL unmatched. god give cass more long-term woman writers
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Sorry, but I just don’t buy the whole “actually Mythal decided after centuries of wandering Thedas as Flemeth that modern people deserve a chance” thing. Because the fragment of Mythal we’re talking about is the jaded old swamp witch who
-Inhabited the body of a woman betrayed by her lover(s) because they found common ground in their suffering and the injustices done to them. (“Once I was but a woman, crying out in the lonely darkness for justice.” - DAI)
-Resents that betrayal to the point she views men as disposable playthings that she can lure back to her hut, have her way with, and then… murder? I think? (Based on Morrigan’s own account in DAO)
-Abused her daughter under the guise of tough love in an attempt to prepare her for a cruel uncaring world. (Again, Morrigan’s account, DAO)
-Says during her appearance in Inquisition that she will have her reckoning.
-Spent centuries consolidating her power as well as cycling through different human women’s bodies via questionable means for the sake of bringing about said reckoning. (“I have carried Mythal through the ages ever since, seeking the justice denied to her.” and about the Inquisitor: “A Herald indeed. Shouting to the heavens, harbinger of a new age.” - DAI)
-During her scene with Solas at the end of Inquisition does NOT say ANYTHING about disagreeing with Solas’s plans, just that she considers him and old friend and is sorry things are going the way they are. (Seriously, is the dialogue in that regret scene in Veilguard supposed to be from a mental connection they had? Because that dialogue just isn’t in the Inquisition scene.)
And I’m supposed to believe that in her last moments, Flemythal backed off and went “actually I think we need to maintain the status quo”????
None of this paints a picture of someone who has gone soft over time. At least not to the degree that is presented in that regret scene in Veilguard. Sure Flemeth wasn’t all bad, she had some tenderness to her. She shows some genuine care for Morrigan and Kieran (if present) and seems hurt when Morrigan implies she was trying not to be the kind of mother Flemeth was to her.
At the end of Inquisition, we can’t tell for certain to what degree she approves of Solas’s methods. But it seems like a step in said methods was to absorb her power and doom her, an embodiment of Justice, to take a passive role once more. And we know what happens when a spirit is denied its purpose. Justice denied its purpose could turn to Vengeance. Which, to me, feels like it would better echo the themes of Solas’s pride/wisdom duality, inquisition’s themes around what it means to become a god-like force of nature, DA2’s question of whether violence is necessary for revolution (which literally has the Justice/Vengeance duality in it with Anders), and DAO’s theme of sacrifice for the greater good.
#datv spoilers#datv critical#bioware critical#mythal#Flemeth#datv#btw I’m not saying upending the whole world and screwing over modern peoples is the RIGHT course of action#im just saying I don’t think Mythal would necessarily think of it that way#and I wish the game had been more about exploring the nuance of revolution and sacrifice and debating the consequences of losing the veil#instead of the writers just TELLING you over and over and over what the correct ‘solution’ is#where is the reckoning we were promised
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there were SO many times in deadpool & wolverine where i was like "okay this is where they kiss" and they never did?? especially that moment at the very end where wade was in the middle, logan on one side, vanessa on the other. and logan leans in and im like "okay, THIS is the moment" and then it was a completely heterosexual ending. what?? like im not even surprised bc disney but it was... like a movie made to end in yaoi. and it didnt. but again, bc it was marvel i didnt expect it to be properly gay, but i really thought we would at least get a kiss?? like a cheek kiss, or a kiss w/ masks on. deadpool was even making jokes about it. but then it was just... just straight. im so disappointed
#it was still a funny movie btw#and im looking forward to the fanfics once the writers have a bit more time#but i just expected more from ryan and hugh#deadpool#wolverine#wade wilson#logan howlett#deadpool 3#deadpool 3 spoilers#deadpool and wolverine#deadpool & wolverine#deadpool wolverine#mcu#marvel#marvel criticism#marvel critical#liams legendary dialogue
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